Nolan Ryan was #34, too

A reader from Allston (or Watertown or one of those places deep in Red Sox Nation) writes:

I noticed that 34 has yet to adopt a stance on David Ortiz (ed.: #34 on the Red Sox). I think it important that you do so at once!

With Nomar Garciaparra serving as an example of what happens when you disappoint Red Sox fans, I will make a sincere effort to adopt a stance on David Ortiz at once.

Ortiz was foolish not to leverage his Big Papí credentials in the race to become the next Pope; perhaps if the Cardinal Law of Boston hadn't fallen so far from grace he would have been able to lobby for Ortiz more effectively. Ortiz, for all his struggles against lefty pitching, was never a member of the Hitler Youth.

In terms of his outlook for the current baseball season–well, he's on Ryan's fantasy baseball team, so I can't in good conscience hope that he repeats his numbers from last year. I don't have any Red Sox players, actually.

I do have a lot of Florida Marlins, though, and as I've been telling people who will listen, I think they're the team to beat in the National League this year. Dontrelle Willis is not going to keep it up, but Josh Beckett and A.J. Burnett will, and they've got a lineup that is arguably second only to the Cardinals in the National League.

As for the American League and my belovèd Texas Rangers: ummm, yeah.


  1. AJ Burnett is the man now, dawg. You need more Marlins on your fantasy team.

  2. Somerville, but whatever—Allston and Watertown are both about ten minutes away.

    Hey, if David Ortiz had become pope, it would have satisfied the contingent that was after a Latin American or African pope. I don't know if he has any particular theological expertise, however.


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