Showing posts from April, 2004

I hope it was one of the good sex acts

Times graf of the day:
"N.Y.U. doesn't attract just smart students, it attracts smart, eclectic students," said Mr. Beckman, the university spokesman. "We had a film student who wanted to film a couple performing a live sex act in front of a class. We had students who set up a swimming pool in their dorm room. Now we have this fellow."

Movie spokeswomen speak out

Times sentence of the day (not to be confused with the graf of the day):
Ms. Torgeson said lighter movies like "Jersey Girl" tend to draw more moms and babies than darker, more serious films like "Osama."

Mmmmm... saturation

I've heard that there's a thingy going on with Google. Or something. Hopefully it will make me rich. That would be welcome indeed.

The Tao of TiVo

Like any good TiVo-eque device owner, I set my box to record the Mavs-Kings game and started wathcing 34 or so minutes into it, so that I could fastforward through all the dreck. By the time the final agonizing seconds of the game were ticking away I was almost caught up with the live action, but I just knew that the Mavs had already lost.
Humbled by this manifestation of fate in a little grey box, I moved on and watched one of the 40 Simpsons episodes I have saved. But the heretic in me kept hoping that maybe this time through Sideshow Bob wouldn't step on that eighth rake...

Rainy day sights

Little kids with great big umbrellas are funny. They look like mushrooms.

Smooth Segues are in first place, at least

As I currently do not have a wife and therefore am placed dead last in my social circle's wife arms race (not to vulgarize the pre- and post-matrimonial bliss in which everyone is partaking), and as I am not in a physical shape that could be described as ideal, resolutions have been made (albeit passively).
Now that the weather is mostly nice, I'm going running one morning each weekend. I am going to run up the Promenade and over to the Brooklyn Bridge, and then across the Brooklyn Bridge, and then ideally back, unless I die first. I am going to wear a Columbia tee whilst running, which will catch the eye a goodly number of physically-active/attractive females, each wearing college tees of their own. A rock-scissors-paperesque calculation will be performed whenever one of them crosses my path, and if my tee is from a higher ranked university (based on a formula of my own devising not quite as biased [read: down on Columbia] as the U.S. News rankings), I will win. I am still a b…

Try some barleywine next time, duder

The wine advert on page 129 of the New Yorker Humour Double Issue: what's that all about? Why bother plying her with vino if she's going to to "turn it down" regardless?

Wham, redux

My half-assed campaign to popularize "wham"
as the objective (well, at least the dative) form of "what" apparently has some historical grounding in Old English. Who knew? I don't know if that gives it a greater or lesser chance of catching on, but please do use it with frugal abandon.
I am learning a lot about grammar at work today. I think I need to learn Latin just so that I can start writing my Perl code in Perligata.

Vaguely dirty comment overheard in the office of the day

"My rack isn't going to be anywhere near your mainframe."

Number 100 is the best

Well, good lord. This is from Petey and Banana, and is apparently the sort of thing that married people do. I'll let you decide which
one came up with all the athletes and ESPN personalities and which one came up with the 19th century writers.

Dear Jeffy (sic),
Maxim Magazine released its hot 100 yesterday. Inexplicably, the misshapen Jessica Simpson topped the list. Some key members of the Mirer household got to debating Maxim's choice, hotness, and listmaking in general... one thing led to another, and here you have it.
The Scott 100 List
1. Scott Meltzer
2. Scottie Pippin
3. Sir Walter Scott
4. F. Scott Fitzgerald
5. Dred Scott
6. Scott Joplin
7. Coretta Scott King
8. Scott Baio
9. Scott Peterson
10. Randolph Scott
11. Mary, Queen of Scot(t)s
12. Kristin Scott Thomas
13. Francis Scott Key
14. Gil Scott-Heron, poet
15. James “Scotty” Reston, journalism legend
16. Scotty from Star Trek
17. Scott Bakula
18. Scott McClelland, white house press secretary
19. Scott Weiland, of Stone Temple Pilots
20. …

Breaking news

A lowly-placed employee within the Department of Justice tells me "Kill Bill, Vol. 2 is pretty good."
I will not divulge my sources.


Brooklyn Brewery's Monster (Barleywine-style) Ale isn't just the stuff of legend; I managed to purchase a six pack for $12 (a bargain, considering that the brew is 11% alcohol by volume but feels like 20%) from Peas 'n' Pickles, which is a wonderful market on the corner of Henry and Pineapple Streets. They have an embarassingly good selection of beers, in addition to imported-type stuff (Ginger Altoids, Hob Nobs, Kinder and Cadbury candy bars) that you can't find on this side of the pond.
So the barleywine and the Mavs' halftime lead results in high spirits. Stay tuned for the follow-up "Fuck." comment when Dallas blows it.

"Play hide-and-seek" is cute

I'm assuming that most of you out there have seen the Subservient Chicken already.
(Which, subversively, now seems to be sponsored by Burger King chicken sandwiches.) We spent about 20 minutes at work today making the
chicken do its thing on a really big screen in a conference room, which is what happens when you schedule meetings for 5pm.

Blue 9, I love you

Okay, so this is it: Blue 9 Burger, on 3rd Ave between 12th and 13th St. It's really, really close to In-N-Out. Very, very close. I walked by there very, very drunk the other night but it was still Passover, so no burgers with buns for Jeff'ys. Fortunately I was able to locate it again.
I went with Sarah and Ryan, and Ryan, through his intimate knowledge of all that is In-N-Out, confirmed that everything down to the
way the frenches are fried is similar. He didn't quite like the burgers as much as the real thing and I guess I have to agree with him, but a Blue 9 (read: double-double) really fucking hit the spot.
When the cashier asked me if I wanted onions and I said "both kinds" he kind of freaked out. Once I explained what I meant he had to press a ridiculous number of buttons on the register to signify my desire. Lord knows what would have happened if I asked for one animal style...

Power sets & Pollacks

New Yorker sentence of the week (or next two weeks, as it's a double issue):
On the evening of February 11th, Peyton was feeling that his star was ascendant: he'd had some strong sets that week, and he'd hooked up with a pretty Polish girl the night before.

For those who turn to 34 for their news

Oh, and also: Banana has confirmed that she's coming back to New York for the summer to take courses at Fordham! And Petey will visit every few weeks! Excitement currently abounds.

Sunday night

Jorge Luis Borges writes (or falsely attributes another as having written, as is his wont) in Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius that "Mirrors and copulation are abominable, for they multiply the number of mankind."
I thought for some reason that there was a connection between that and between the point that I wanted to make, which was that rereading old emails and browsing, my normal Sunday night activities, really gives one an incredible perspective on their past. I realise that that point has more to do with Everything is Illuminated than that Borges quote, so let's go with that instead.
I have all 5534 emails that I've sent and 3636 that I've received and considered worth saving since since 9 Sept. 1995 filed
away on my computer. I give good email. I think Banana has promised to anthologize our correspondence at some point when one of us (her,
it's looking like, as there is no glory in faxing) is famous enough to make that commercially viable. Sorting b…

Ill Illumination

I just finished Everything is Illuminated, which I must have started almost two years ago but was apparently not meant to complete until now. I found it good in the sense of being utterly wonderful. It was a blend of One Hundred Years of Solitude and Love in the Time of Cholera, and the ending surpassed both of their endings.
Safran Foer read an excerpt from his new book at a literary thingy I went to last month and that book seems like something to look forward to as well.
Next up in Positively Fifth Street, which Booner recommended to me and which I started reading before finishing the last book because I was desperate for poker insight. I am down $40 plus the price of the book so far. But it does seem like it will be a good read and the $40 loses are an investment in future gambling triumphs.

Shout out to public housing

Well, fuck me. My apartment building has been sold and I received a letter from the real estate agent saying that while I do have a lease, they'd be happy to let me out early and when was I thinking of vacating the premises?
So, um, yeah. The house warming party might be a bit subdued.
If you hear about any two bedrooms in Brooklyn Heights for way under market rate...

Next year in a federal penitentiary

Did any of your seders end with a call to assassinate the elected (well, not elected) leadership of the United States? Because mine did.
I wonder if that makes me hard core.