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Q. Which 1 February birthday-ites have parents(-in-law) in the newspaper, you ask? A. Petey and KTA . Duh.

This is how lazy I am: I have willfully ignored the fact that my beard trimmer thingy hasn't worked for the past several weeks, probably because it's 7 or 8 years old. My goatee was becoming epic. So instead of going out and buying a new beard trimmer thingy, or even spending 2 minutes of clicking to buy one from Amazon, it got to the point where just completely shaving the damn thing was less effort. So I did, this morning. I'm clean-shaven for the first time in about three years, the last time I tried this out being when the interview process wasn't going to well and I, foolishly, blamed facial hair. Before that time, I had never shaved the beard. So this is how I looked this morning. (You can't even tell I wasn't wearing any pants!) I guess the hair on top of my head somewhat makes up for it. Oddly enough, Sarah and Adam were the only two people to notice, though I think I look pretty sickly without it in the picture–or maybe it was just too early in the mor...

Without naming any names here, partly out of fear of whatever the Feds are doing nowadays, a former Carman Elevenite who has spent his time since graduation keeping our baggage safe at the airport is interviewing for a position at the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

On the off chance that Nick Diehl reads 34 (maybe he's one of the spambots?)–I have some of your tax forms. I think they're W2s. You used to live in my apartment and I assume that your mail forwarding just ran out, because I have a shitload of your mail. If you don't say anything soon I'm going to do your taxes and keep your refund. I am not a lawyer (though I think Nick might be–the return address on the tax form says Manning, Selvage, and Lee) but I am pretty sure that having posted this in a public forum I'm absolved of any sort of legal ramifications stemming from the course of action detailed herewithall.

There are, and I'm not exaggerating here, about 10 Turkish restaurants within a two mile stetch of Coney Island Ave., and at least a dozen more further south in Sheepshead Bay, so I think it's a disservice for the Times to recommend the one Turkish place that a writer's brother took her to. Personally, I like Bay Shish Kebab on Emmons Ave. in Sheepshead Bay, and that recommendation carries the weight of my having been to at least one other Brooklyn Turkish place.

Bad news for security through obfuscation fans: the media is actually reporting how shockingly easy it is to cause several millions of dollars worth of damage and disrupt the lives of 580,000 people for five years.

I'd been looking forward to the new issue of the New Yorker since I heard about Seymour Hersh's piece detailing our covert involvement in Iran and Syria at the behest of the Pentagon. In what's likely part of a massive attempted coverup, I didn't get my issue on Tuesday as I normally do, but it did arrive today. Having just finished The World According to Garp on the advice of Chase (and I guess on the advice of Samantha, but that was almost seven years ago) I should have time to read that article and other things of interest tomorrow. Last week's issue of the New Yorker was entertaining, I remember, but I can't particularly point out why. Which I guess defeats the purpose of TWit NY.