34

Q. Which 1 February birthday-ites have parents(-in-law) in the newspaper, you ask? A. Petey and KTA . Duh.

This is how lazy I am: I have willfully ignored the fact that my beard trimmer thingy hasn't worked for the past several weeks, probably because it's 7 or 8 years old. My goatee was becoming epic. So instead of going out and buying a new beard trimmer thingy, or even spending 2 minutes of clicking to buy one from Amazon, it got to the point where just completely shaving the damn thing was less effort. So I did, this morning. I'm clean-shaven for the first time in about three years, the last time I tried this out being when the interview process wasn't going to well and I, foolishly, blamed facial hair. Before that time, I had never shaved the beard. So this is how I looked this morning. (You can't even tell I wasn't wearing any pants!) I guess the hair on top of my head somewhat makes up for it. Oddly enough, Sarah and Adam were the only two people to notice, though I think I look pretty sickly without it in the picture–or maybe it was just too early in the mor...

Without naming any names here, partly out of fear of whatever the Feds are doing nowadays, a former Carman Elevenite who has spent his time since graduation keeping our baggage safe at the airport is interviewing for a position at the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

On the off chance that Nick Diehl reads 34 (maybe he's one of the spambots?)–I have some of your tax forms. I think they're W2s. You used to live in my apartment and I assume that your mail forwarding just ran out, because I have a shitload of your mail. If you don't say anything soon I'm going to do your taxes and keep your refund. I am not a lawyer (though I think Nick might be–the return address on the tax form says Manning, Selvage, and Lee) but I am pretty sure that having posted this in a public forum I'm absolved of any sort of legal ramifications stemming from the course of action detailed herewithall.

There are, and I'm not exaggerating here, about 10 Turkish restaurants within a two mile stetch of Coney Island Ave., and at least a dozen more further south in Sheepshead Bay, so I think it's a disservice for the Times to recommend the one Turkish place that a writer's brother took her to. Personally, I like Bay Shish Kebab on Emmons Ave. in Sheepshead Bay, and that recommendation carries the weight of my having been to at least one other Brooklyn Turkish place.

Bad news for security through obfuscation fans: the media is actually reporting how shockingly easy it is to cause several millions of dollars worth of damage and disrupt the lives of 580,000 people for five years.

I'd been looking forward to the new issue of the New Yorker since I heard about Seymour Hersh's piece detailing our covert involvement in Iran and Syria at the behest of the Pentagon. In what's likely part of a massive attempted coverup, I didn't get my issue on Tuesday as I normally do, but it did arrive today. Having just finished The World According to Garp on the advice of Chase (and I guess on the advice of Samantha, but that was almost seven years ago) I should have time to read that article and other things of interest tomorrow. Last week's issue of the New Yorker was entertaining, I remember, but I can't particularly point out why. Which I guess defeats the purpose of TWit NY.

Never to be outdone by FFH , I've got some pictures of my own. Sarahs, a truly lovely friend and a lovely artist, was good enough to paint me this lovely painting as a house-hottening (I think that was it) present. It obviously isn't being done justice sitting on my floor like that, but as soon as I get myself together and buy a bedside table I'm going to hang it over that. The desire to hang the painting is a strong motivator towards bedside table-purchasing, so we're not likely to repeat the situation with the actual bed. Also recently photoed is this Lindsay Lohan commammarative ketchup , first mentioned in an earlier report . Much like the original Not Green , this ketchup was purchased whilst attempting to shop for legitimate condiments. The other day Josh was talking about how his girlfriend Jacqui said he could have sex with Lindsay Lohan (am I allowed to write that? She's 18, right?) if he somehow managed to arrange that, and while I don't know how that...

A fax machine for complete living organisms? Thanks, Slashdot .

Ross McGirt, obviously feeling my hurt for content, was kind enough to point me to this killer whales story . There were only 33 dead whales until I got down to North Carolina. Finally, the opportunity to joke about murdering a whale.

Because I am hurting for content, here's something from the archives about the labour rats. It's May Day and the giant labor rats are out on Montague St. One of them in front of a Bank of New York and a less-giant giant labor rat is in front of a Cohen's Fashion Optical. The eyeglass shop is right next to a Citibank, and my guess is that's the real target, but the Citibank has cleverly erected a protective sheath of scaffolding to foil the giant rat people. One rodent, the larger one, has a sign reading "Boycott Treeline Industries" hanging from where its teets would be, though the simulacrum is thankfully teetless. I feel compelled to boycott Treeline Industries; I am of the school of thought that if a giant rat tells you to do something then you should do it. (This school of thought might be described as progressive, or as paranoid-schizophrenic.) Unfortunately, I have no idea what Treeline Industries is, and what their relation is to the Bank of New York. T...

The Sunday Times Magazine has pieces recapping plans for taxation and Social Security over the next four years (and hopefully not beyond). The Social Security piece is a good read in particular for those interested in an overview of the whole "crisis."

Maybe if I slip Bill Keller a $34 bill at the Blue Pencil Dinner I can get the Times Editorial Board to write a piece in praise of 34 . That'll really show the competition over at FFH .

As I've pointed out , there seems to be some unwritten agreement amoungst members of the media to not make a big deal about all the domestic terrorism. I will have to ask the secular and/or Zionist Jews who control the media what's up with that next High Holy Days. Something that has been getting a mild amount of newsplay is all those damn lasers that are being aimed at planes in the air , to blind the pilots I guess. But did you know that they arrested a man who made it inside 1 Penn Plaza carrying a loaded rifle on New Year's Eve? Event that Newsday article just mentions it in passing after going into detail about disorderly conduct arrests. I just think it's kind of odd, is all.

So, I, uh, just sat and watched four straight hours of 24 . It's clearly not as compelling as 34 , but still... I had gotten hooked at the start of the 2003 season and managed to stop watching it because back then I had to make an effort to actually be by a television on Thursday nights (or whenever it's on), but with the DVR that's no longer an issue and I could just binge. I did break up the first two hours with Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Home Videos , which in this context is something that I'm proud of. I assume it won't be as bad for me now that I'm caught up and only have to watch an hour a week, but I'm pretty sure my blood pressue isn't in a good place right now after watching the four. I was so close to just forgetting about it this season and deleting what I'd already recorded; within the first 20 minutes or so someone mentioned a plot to "crash the Internet," which I took to be obvious babble, but then they went on to talk about...

FFH breaks the story: Carman 11 and John Jay Dining Hall's own Akil is in some reality telly talent contest thing hosted by Missy Elliot. It turns out that my DVR can record UPN. Who knew?

Yeah, that's so me . I don't think anyone has an excuse for not owning a Mac (Mini) .

For no particular reason, here's my list of things you abolustely must have if you ever plan on cooking anything, presented in an approximate order of absolute necessity. I wish I could figure out how to make money off the Amazon links. Wüsthof Classic 6-Inch Cook's Knife knife sharpening steel 12" chef's pan a baking/roasting pan of some sort a sauce pan of some sort this garlic press a vegetable peeler a spatula a cutting board a pepper mill That's it. Now you can cook anything.

If you're having a celiac over for dinner, you might want to serve rice noodles. And if you're serving rice noodles, you might want to prepare them in an interesting way. With that in mind, this recipe is humbly blogged for your consideration. rice (stick) noodles, the kind used for pad thai extra firm tofu four limes some sugar–maybe half a cup? I don't really know four cloves of garlic two serrano chiles Squeeze the limes into a bowl or measuring cup or the cupped hands of a loved one. Add what may or may not be half a cup of sugar. It's hard to say. Try about half as much sugar as lime juice. Mix that all together. Put some neutral (corn or canola, while not completely neutral, will do) oil in a pan, heat it, and sauté minced garlic cloves and chopped serrano chiles in the oil for a few minutes. Add the lime/sugar and diced tofu, and let that cook for 5-10 minutes. The lime juice should reduce and become nice and syrupy. Meanwhile, follow the instructions for prepari...

Intrepid-reader-concert-welsher Ross McS. was kind enough to send me the link to this article , which details German's fascination with making up insulting nouns for people out of phrases. Rückseiten-Faxer is the obvious favourite.

Ketchup news , finally. The renewed interested in designer ketchup labels can only mean good things for the value of my Not Green.

I am recently moved (I had pictures up for a while but they died along with the old server, which no one is interested in hearing about anymore), and while the new pad is the same distance from the Borough Hall/Court St. station as the old place, my closest station is now the Bergen stop on the F. It's right around the corner. I am not happy about that. Now, okay, my new place is exactly the same distance from the normal trains (2/3/4/5/R/M [well, the M is not normal]) as it used to be, so I really should be indifferent. But the F station around the corner is just so alluring, so ostensibly convenient, that I really can't leave well enough alone. I have reached a point in my life where I actively have to consider how I can get places on the F train, and as I mentioned, I am not happy about that. This has been my life-long conception of the F: it is a bad train, and taking one's own life is a viable (and cheaper, given the Metrocard increases) alternative to riding it. Thi...

For those wondering what I'm working on nowadays (which no one ever, ever asks about, so I assume this post will be received with tremendous enthusiasm), I'm looking into stuff in the physical presence space--tracking where people happen to be logged in from at a given moment, whether they have any meetings in their calendar, whether they're on the phone, etc. I am looking to leverage some of my previous work in the area.

(This recipe has nothing to do with Tuscany--ed.) I made some soup last night. It was very good. Here, in this very bloggage, I'll tell you how to make it and then perhaps you will make it for me sometime. I'd like that. bit o' celery a carrot an onion an Italian pepper some hot Italian sausage--about four links a quart of chicken stock--the blander the better, since there's plenty of flavour elsewhere 3 cans of white beans (cannelini) rosemary and fresh black pepper Chop up the celery, carrot, onion, and pepper. Put that in a large soup pot with a little bit of olive oil and let that cook a little bit over medium heat; meanwhile, crumble the hot Italian sausage into the pot and let that all cook some more, until the sausage isn't revolting. Add the stock and the three cans of drained and rinsed beans. Do nothing to prevent that from cooking over low heat for 30-45 minutes. I took a masher and mashed up the beans a bit in the pot before it got too hot. That let out ...

Some low-hanging fruit to get back into the groove: the secret behind Jennifer 8. Lee's sources . Petey was trolling Specwords for ideas back in his Hobbs Sun days, but Crimson alumni and Times reporters aren't supposed to stoop to that sort of thing--right?

All right, I guess 34 is now mostly back up, as it were. I am contractually obligated to write something for FREE-FLOATING HOSTILITY , on which I am hard at work, believe me, so it might be a bit before the next substantial blogging. (Though I really just enjoy blogging about the state of my blogging as much as anything else.) There is something about the F train in the pipeline. Look out for that.